can't sleep. probably has something to do with the fact that i had coffee at 10 pm. or just that i've been so stressed i haven't had real sleep in days. but then again, that should be reason enough for me to want to sleep so maybe it's just the coffee. eitherway, my caffeine-induced rambling will probably not make any sense but here it goes.
i haven't written anything in months. i used to religiously write details of important things in my life and recently i haven't had any time for anything. but i keep thinking about wanting to write, or just to get the chance to sit down and think about things happening in my life. there is value in being able to stop and think.. and knowing when to do just that.
i'm getting married. or at least trying to. i'm overwhelmed with happiness and excitement just thinking about the new life i'm about to embark with my fiance, my soon-to-be husband. and for some absurd reason, the ones whose opinion i value the most don't seem to be quite as enthused. i guess i understand their hesitation to share my joy. being the youngest, me leaving home is probably the last thing on their mind. but still. i've finally come to the time in my life, when i feel old enough, mature enough and ready to step onto that next level. don't i deserve a little enthusiasm? a little support?
i'm not even asking them to help me financially. i wonder if i did just like my older siblings have done. all i'm asking for is a little affirmation that somehow they support my decision. but maybe even that is asking too much.
my bestfriend is the wisest person i know. she said to me, that no matter how old i am, or how stable in life i seem, parents will always be parents. in their eyes, i will always be their youngest daughter and the fact that i'm "leaving" them will always be hard to accept. she said i need to understand how they feel and without even thinking twice, i know she's right. i hate it when she's right because in the back of my mind, it's not what i want to hear.
i know somewhere there is a silver lining. i just need to step back and find it.