Meet Arianne Jade

It has been a really busy 12 days since our baby girl was born. I still can't believe she's here and we've been having such an amazing time together. I'm sure Arianne does not agree in this picture. Here she is at 7 days old, during her first bath. Love this little munchkin!!

 So cute!!! I can't help it hahaha!

My beautiful baby, I hope you know you bring us so much joy. 

hey, hey, it's my birthday!

I had to work a night shift on the eve of my birthday. Boo!!! Oh well, but who knew...Mr. Pearls was a romantic after all! haha :) Love you, baby! You are the bestest! 

Came home to breakfast, flowers and a gift. I have to give him much credit for effort. I used to complain about how he would always cook the eggs well done when I only wanted them over easy. And of course, today, he didn't disappoint. Can you see the curl of the ribbon on the wrapped gift?? I taught him how to do that. Hahaha! So.... can I open my present now???? Can't wait till dinner!

Happy Birthday to me :)

my week in instagram

Hi. 8 days no post, huh? Seems weird even for me.

How are you?

If you're not following my fangirl craziness on Twitter (follow at your own risk! don't say I didn't warn you :P), or my newfound Instagram addiction, it does feel like I have been out of the loop for awhile. One thing though, I've finished all the editing. Woohoo! Now off to bookmaking, and new appointments =) Love the fact that we've started offering beautifully crafted lay-flat books. I'm definitely looking forward to seeing our work in print. My secret wish is that I can keep a copy of it all because nothing makes me happier than seeing our hard work come out so nicely. Have you ordered yours yet??

Spent the weekend bonding with my bestfriend. We haven't done that for awhile and I had a great time bonding, baking and laughing over cake and tea. Here's a baby shower cake order I helped her decorate. It's so cool to find a friend who likes the same thing as you do. She inspires me to be better everyday. In between taking care of her new baby and attempting to watch a much loved soap opera, it was a girls' weekend we both needed. Speaking of need, need a custom cake for your next event? Visit www.cakerolls.ca =)

Spent Family Day driving around Toronto, eating Korean barbecue and watching a movie with Mr. Pearls. 

                            

....and mostly, busy with instagraming my favourite old photos =)

Hope your week is as interesting as mine! Happy (rainy) Friday!

strings of memories

True confession: Fact. I did a bit of songwriting as a teen. At fifteen, I fell in love with my sister's guitar. We just connected in ways I cannot explain. Three years later, when I was old enough to apply for credit, it was my very first big ticket item. I had some very poignant moments with my guitar (which I called John, don't ask :P) --- more meaningful than any relationship I had had at that time. I can't say I was very good, but I taught myself how to play out of passion. My calloused fingers, pages and pages of words I had intended to use in songs, and my overworked guitar were proof.

I told myself it didn't matter that I was never very good at it and the only thing that mattered was that it was a form of self-expression. It was a way to pour out my most intimate feelings and emotions. I think the reason we've spent so much time together was because unlike a real person who could be harsh and judgmental, John sat with me through it all -- good or bad, happy or sad. I was very insecure and protective about my songs. I protected it much like a diary, with no witnesses but my tape recorder.

As the era of social networking marched in, I got involved with a creative group of people who were very much interested in getting their voice (and talents) heard. I was very hesitant at first in sharing with the world my most intimate thoughts and feelings. I resisted their invitations at first as I needed first to convince myself that it was okay for me to share what I had written in privacy. When I was finally able put myself out there, wore my heart on a sleeve so to speak, I was overwhelmed by the reception (and I can't deny being patronized sometimes, because for me, it still wasn't good enough). Don't get me wrong, it was a great experience. In fact, knowing I will somehow share them with someone made me want to play the guitar better, write better.

I met an amazing group of talented people whose passion for music and the arts were comparable to mine. This amazing group of people were the same ones that led me to Mr. Pearls. The long nights, that time of coffee houses and acoustic sets were a significant part of my life. (If you're ever interested in looking them up, check out MStudio)

A good friend had told me that one of my songs was played at the end of a TV production aimed for a local television show. It's a multicultural network so I don't actually expect you to find it in circulation and I never saw it myself, so I can't really vouch for it. It sounds promising in retrospect, although I was told that no credits were written or given to me. It saddens me because I know my song was not the greatest hit or what have you, but I don't understand how anyone can just use it without even asking for permission, or giving me a little bit of credit. Truth be told, I didn't even want to have that song released because first of all, I wrote that song in my teens, when I was on the verge of my first heartbreak. I had one foot out the door, and undecided about the outcome of what turned out to be a disastrous relationship. I didn't like the final edit because it wasn't how I had written it originally. A refrain was added which in my opinion didn't really go with how I wanted the song to be. But anyway, after all that it's out there and apparently being used without my knowledge. No, I'm not gonna tell you the title of the song, because it is out there and I'd be embarrassed to have to explain my mindset when it was written. Part of me is relieved because the song being used without credit to me will not automatically link it back to me, but at the same time, I hold on to this song just like a treasured memory I preferred to have kept in the pages of my diary.

This reminded me of The Meantime Girl article I wrote that became a popular forwarded message without my knowledge. I still think about it from time to time because it is a memory that meant a great deal to me and is now just being randomly passed around without care. Oh well. I guess a lesson in giving credit when credit is due is wayyy overdue. 

recollections of the past

Would you believe if I told you that I originally started a blog to inspire me to write more? Although this blog has sort of turned more into a photo blog, in the past, I've managed to blog solely for the purpose of writing and getting my thoughts and feelings out there. It was a way to let go of things that would have otherwise made me crazy if I kept thinking about them. It was a way to reach out to people who I wanted to say something to but could never get myself to really talk to. It was my escape.

Over the years, I realized that my blog had become more and more personal, self-deprecating even, that I knew I needed to learn to detach. Back in the day when I used to write about heartache, sadness and disappointments, I didn't really think of how being so open about my life in the web will affect my life outside the internet. And so I learned to detach. Instead of disappointments, I wrote about things I accomplished. I wrote about things I thought would be interesting to share. Instead of sadness, I wrote about things I thought were helpful and amusing. I wrote about things that I think people would be more interested in reading.

I can honestly say that I'm glad at how this blog has turned out. In my quest to write about interesting things, I taught myself to learn new things, to aim high and think about how I can make my blogposts better. I feel accomplished when I am able to successfully try a new recipe, or enhance my knowledge when I try new things. I feel as though I am able not simply to accomplish the task I have challenged myself to do, but also accomplish in documenting how I was able to do this particular task. It's something I can use to look back and see how much I've accomplished in my quest to better myself.

I found an old book I have compiled out of old online blogs. I am amused at how much more carefree and open I used to be when my feelings are concerned. I guess I miss that old me. The one that used to not care about what people would think if I wrote the things I really wanted to say. JM says "Knowing you'd be better off instead if you could only, say what you need to say." (If you haven't followed me enough, JM is John Mayer, my one true love -- don't tell A haha). Anyway, in light of the things I've realized lately, I think I will start a page in this blog to post some of my old stuff. Not to stir trouble, but more for recollection purposes. I think seeing my old stuff will also make me write more. And who knows maybe at the end of it all, there will be more lessons learned, more stories told. I could maybe even write a book.

So thank you, because your patronage has inspired me to be better everyday. I couldn't have done it without you.

i guess i just miss my friend

"Sometimes it makes me sad, though, Andy being gone. I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright and when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice, but still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend."

- Shawshank Redemption

Miss you, Meng.

you've got a friend =)

I still hear the voice in my head and I can't help but think, no one has ever called me that in my adult life. Maybe I was harsh, but I still didn't think I deserved that. I guess it's for my own self-preservation that I prefer to think whatever mistakes we've made could simply be cast aside and forgotten. And as I wallow in thought, my best friend, knowing me, posted this on my Facebook page and reminded me of that one particular day in the past shared in the bathroom of a KFC in a rest stop between Toronto and Montreal. I can't remember what we were chatting about then, but I remember the funny dancing in the bathroom. I couldn't help but think, when I'm old and gray, and cannot remember to put on my own teeth, I wish my best friend would still be there to remind me of these great memories. 

Love you, bru. 

instant love!

Meet my new love!

Photo courtesy of Photojojo Store

I'm an old soul. I love that I can print photos instantly and have a tangible reminder of my favourite moments, like these. 

thanks raxxy, for the photos. love love love!

 Instax from my birthday dinner <3

And a random picture of us at Ribfest. Love how happy this picture looks =). Thanks, raxxy!!

- David Icke

 Happy Monday!

The best way of removing negativity is to laugh and be joyous. 

mom and facebook :)

My mom just joined Facebook and I think just spent the last hour tagging her photos in all our albums. Haha! Gotta love her! Soon enough, she'll be reading my blog (hey, Mom! Thanks for the homemade bread!) Oh yeah, she bought a breadmaker over the weekend and has been on a bread-making frenzy. I guess that's it for store bought breads. I'll be coming over every week for her freshly baked breads!

I miss my mom making me "baon". I loved how she used to wake up early and actually cook us all a nice homecooked meal to bring for lunch. I miss it specially these days when I wake up late (and frazzled!) in the mornings and then have to think about making A his "baon". We used to take turns getting up early to make lunch and A would pack me the funniest combinations of food. I then have to explain why I have a can of Vienna sausages in my lunch bag. Oh, he loved those sausages! A would come home with his lunch half eaten, and I would get upset about the wasted food, just like mom used to be. I guess that's the funny thing about living apart from your parents. You end up realizing just how similar you truly are.

Anyway, it's barbecue season in Toronto and I'm stuck here at work. Hope you all had a good weekend!

mmm...good!

Why is red velvet cake so good?? I made a cake out of the leftover batter from the cupcakes I made. I didn't have enough icing to coat the cake so I didn't bother to take a picture of my messed up icing job =P

While waiting for A to come home from work, I asked him to stop by the grocery store to buy some vegetable oil and he came home with these. I think I should send him on random errands more often :)

st. patrick's day

They say music is the universal language and I couldn't agree more. In light of things that happen in our individual lives, we find commonality through the songs we hear and equally appreciate. Just to give you an example, in the winter of 2004, back when A and I were both single, we used to listen to this same song. It was playing in his car on a daily basis, and on my earphones during my everyday commute. How could we not? The lyrics goes like this...

Here comes the cold, 

break out your winter clothes, 

and find a love to call your own....

Coming out from pretty messed up relationships, we found each other and sure enough, "we're safe till St. Patrick's Day."

hoped for goodnight, not goodbye

She called me a few months ago asking if I wanted to get together. It's been ages since I've seen her, maybe almost six years ago, and though I haven't seen her for awhile, it was always nice to hear from an old friend. Especially one I have shared many wonderful moments with. I guess in the age of advanced social networking, it really shouldn't be too hard to keep in touch. And to think, we apparently have been living in the same neighborhood for awhile.

We've lost touch over the years. She had a baby. I got married. And I guess, as I have said before, there were things that got in the way that became more important than friendship. I don't hold it against her, just like I have accepted that the changes and choices that we've made didn't necessarily mean we didn't care about each other anymore. So when I got that call, I was more than excited to see what she's been up to.

We didn't actually make it to dinner that day though. She had a personal matter to attend to and I didn't want her to feel obligated for cancelling so I said to her, "Don't worry. I'm sure there'll be other days". How little did I know then.

I got a message today saying that she had passed away. I thought it was a joke. How could someone my age be gone? I don't know the details yet, but I still couldn't believe it. All I can think about is how I spoke to her just a few months ago. How we were supposed to meet and how I probably should have called her back and tried to reschedule that appointment. How I could have seen her and found out what she'd been up to. Somehow, I feel like I have neglected her. That somehow, I have failed her.

I look back to those childhood/preteen years we've spent together and all the stories, memories and laughters we've shared. I think about the letters we used to write each other and how she made that time of my life bearable.

I think about how I can never see my friend again.

Goodbye, M. Rest peacefully, my dear friend.

Goodbye, Melloyello!

 Goodbye, Melloyello! Too bad we didn't get to ride out in the sunset one last time! We will miss you!

heartaches

In life, sometimes there are people who no matter how long it's been, (or how distant they've been), you still get that same feeling everytime you see them. I guess my title is sort of a clue. Maybe it's just me...and yet deep inside, I'm hoping you somehow know what I mean. I can't help it. I still wish things have been different and that what had made our relationship complicated would somehow disappear for awhile.

I try to live my life without regrets. I have always believed that the things I went through happened for a reason. The scars I earned from the mistakes I made have made me the person that I am today and without a doubt, I'm thankful for these life lessons. I have more appreciation for the value life because of these things. But when I lose someone, for reasons beyond my understanding, it almost always make me so helpless and vulnerable...and oddly enough, regretful -- even when in reality, there was nothing I could have done to keep them from leaving.

In my heart, I long to say how much I miss them and how I wished we could let go of that which has kept us apart.

Maybe this is my way of reaching out to you and letting you know that in spite of everything, I still prefer to live in a world when I had you in my life.

play me something

The last few days, I've been hearing this voice in my head saying, "Time to update! Time to update!" and soon enough, I couldn't ignore it any longer. I didn't have anything exciting to share and so the idea of just sitting and writing seemed harder and harder. But alas, I think I'm sort of out of the rut. I mean, come on, Valentine's Day has come and gone, and not one post of anything crafty. I must be out of my mind!

Anyway, I'm not much of a V-day kind of person, I actually think it's sort of ridiculous when you think about the amount of money people spend on flowers and stupid looking bears you will end up throwing out before the end of the year...However --- Meet Sponge Bob.

I can't remember where we got him exactly. It must be from a Happy Meal or something, but he's actually pretty cool. He has the capacity to record short phrases which you can later play and listen to. At times when I hardly see A because of our conflicting work schedules, we would leave random, albeit corny, short messages through him to amuse each other and serve as a reminder that we are not that far from each other after all. I know, right? We're cheesy that way =P

Anyway...he's been sort of sitting near our message board by the door, and for awhile, we've actually forgotten about him. One day, as I was heading out the door for a night shift, I randomly picked him up and pressed play. It was A of course saying, "in the drawer" (which is definitely different from his usual "you're ugly", and "I love you" messages). I kept thinking, I wonder when he recorded this message....and there, in the drawer was a light blue box with a white ribbon. Yes, one of my favorite things! And no, it wasn't Valentine's Day. See girls, the way I see it, I don't need Valentine's Day to be showered with love. A is more than enough. =)

Anyway, in light of getting out of the rut, I'm cooking again. I even managed to bake again. It's been awhile and I'm just happy I'm slowly starting to feel like my normal self. 

Anyway, I hope you're all feeling better than I am and spending wonderful times with your respective families.

 Happy Family Day!

post-vacation blues

Everything's been such a blur since we got back. Our sleep (and stomachs) have been messed up. I honestly thought since I do shift work, it'll be easy to adjust. But I still wake up at 3 am and I still sleep for most of the day and it's been almost two weeks! Anyway, I miss the weather (compared to our daily -20s over here) and I definitely miss my crazy (and huge!) family. This is not even all of them! Any of you have a bigger family than this??

Anyway, I'm sure the post-vacation blues will go away soon, and I'll have more interesting posts in no time! Here's to dreaming of our next vacation adventure, sandy beaches and clear blue waters =)

back to TO!

We're back in Toronto! Posting random thoughts while sitting on the plane, but mostly, just thinking of ways to amuse myself while waiting for Facebook to finish uploading. Tons of pictures from our trip...lots of memories, laughters and tears. Missing my family already. Here's a picture of a popular Filipino dessert --- the Halo Halo =)

random airplane thoughts

The only thing permanent in life is family - Eat, Pray, Love

Jan 9, 2011

05:27 HK time 

- had chicken with soysauce and mushrooms, salmon sashimi and potato salad, chocolate brownie cake with raspberry coulis (such fancy name, not so fancy taste)

- Cathay Pacific has such cute utensils and serving dishes and I am easily amused :P

- A's watching Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. Currently watching Eat, Pray, Love which has occasional good lines and beautiful cinematography. Amusing for the world travellers, but I still don't get why Liz Gilbert was so unhappy. 

- my happy toes in my comfy socks. love them! (thanks, joy!)

12:48 am Toronto time

- 5 more hours before HK. had beef with oyster sauce and vegetables for dinner, fresh fruits and rhubarb crumble.

- so far, I've seen, "Eat, Pray, Love", "Life as we know it", and "Megamind" (again! saw this at the theatre before leaving Toronto). 

- trying to sleep....Cathay has pretty decent selection of music. Currently listening to Freestyle's "This Time"

- had a stomach ache from the coffee earlier

- airplane bathrooms are gross

- can't sleep!!!

- listening to "Before I Let You Go" by Freestyle. It's 2002 all over again....

almost in Manila =)

time machine

I may already have a post with the same title, but what the hey =) I am still up after finishing my last night shift for January (Mind you, I did six nights in a row and I survived!). Yup, lucky me, no work until February! If you haven't already heard, we will be away the whole month of January as we will be visiting the beautiful islands of the Philippines! (I suddenly felt like a contestant in a beauty contest hehe) It's been almost ten years since my last visit, and A hasn't been for about eleven years as well so no doubt,  it will be a very interesting trip. 

The idea of going back has been on my mind for awhile. The last time I was there, I didn't get to see  many of my classmates and friends even though I was there for almost 10 weeks. I was 19 and was in a completely different state of mind. I was lonely and heartbroken. I remember thinking, how different it would be had I been in a different situation, older and travelling with someone I love and care about. Who knew that this day would come?

So, I'm sort of planning to reunite with these people. This picture was taken in 1996 I believe, back when we were 13 or 14 years old. So it will be almost 14 years since I saw some of them. Yikes haha. I only say this because, though I'm so excited to see them all again, I feel much older and not at all like my old self =P My school years in the Philippines were among the best and most significant years of my life.  I think if I didn't have that to compare it to, I wouldn't appreciate the things I went through as much as I do now. I remember having a hard time adjusting to high school life here. I would eat my lunch in the library to avoid social interaction. I was quite anti-social and felt very much like an outcast. But these people were there for me in many ways and were like my own brothers and sisters. They made me feel like I belonged. And for that, they would always hold a special place in my heart. 

I guess I better start packing. I'm trying very hard not to bring so much stuff, as I know, everything back there will be so much cheaper. We might not bring along our tech toys so although, there's plenty of wifi and internet, I may not be able to update for awhile (since I'd rather spend time on the beach than attempt to find an internet cafe of some sort). We will be taking tons of pictures I'm sure, and hopefully do some island hopping at some point. I can hardly contain my excitement!

By the way, if you can guess where I am in this picture, I might bring you a very special prize all the way from the Philippines! I don't know what it is yet, but it will be something cute and amazing. Oh and those of you who already know the answer is automatically disqualified, so don't even try cause I know who you are =P hehehe. Guess away! Keep joining these contests because we're feeling very generous this year. I have a hunch it will be a great year for all of us =)

happy new year!

The holidays, just like any get together, were eventful and a little crazy. I'm sure you all have pretty similar experiences. Although the events of weeks past made me appreciate even more the importance of living the moment. The significance of now. 

Sometimes, we get to caught up in planning ahead and thinking about how happy we can get (how beautiful the future looks) that we forget about how we feel right at this moment, this second -- which could all be gone before you know it. More than ever, I feel grateful for what I have and don't have. Because the things I don't have, makes me appreciate the things I do have even more.  

I am afraid though, that in time, instead of appreciating, I might learn to forget. And that's why photographs of memories are so significant. I always tell A how we should take more pictures of everyday things, because sometimes, these are the moments that count. These are the moments we'd love to go back to every now and again, just as much as we'd love remembering specific details of our travels here and there. That was the main idea when I started photographing the food I made at home, and all the crafts I do, the successes and the failures. I often wish I was better though, at putting things together, the way I used to before. This is the same reason I still keep the journals of my past. They remind me of those significant moments and milestones. The ones I hold in my heart so dearly. The heartaches I've survived. The scars that made me who I am. 

So in light of reflection, this year, I'd like to take more photos of everyday things. A has an eye for seeing the beauty of things in so many different perspectives and angles. And so, just like everything else, we will be doing this together as well. We'll take more photowalks. We'll plan more picnics. Hopefully we'll capture more moments worth remembering, the good or the bad. 

I'm ending this post with this photograph because it was, and will always be, one of my favorite memories.

Happy New Year. From my family to yours, may you have a prosperous and blissful year.