new york, new york =)

It's been three days since we came back from our impromptu New York trip and I still don't think I'm truly, fully recovered. I think the fact that I have work the rest of the week has something to do with it. And yes, I am one of those who secretly hope there would come a time when I could just go on trips, spend ridiculous amount of money without ever having to work. Hehe. I'm either extremely optimistic, hopeful or just wishful thinking =P

We ventured and walked around Times Square and had our share of this delicious treat from an upscale frozen dessert franchise called Pinkberry. I wonder if we will ever get this in Toronto.

Anyway, back to our home, I have decided a few additions to our "Thank You" cards. I finally got some envelopes and hope to send these babies out by next week's end.

Don't you love the Martha Stewart-inspired bows?? Yay for new projects! =)

words unspoken...

It's been two weeks since we received our "thank you" postcards and now we're still just starting to write thank you notes. Our goal is to send them all out even before we celebrate our third month anniversary but seeing that it is already the middle of August, it may not be possible given the amount of thank you's we have to write.

We could be lazy and just pre-print standard thank you messages on the back of each card but we love the idea of handwritten notes. They seem much more sincere and personal and every bit appreciative which is appropriate for the kind of emotion we were hoping to express.

Here is a glimpse of our Thank You postcards:

The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention. ~ Oscar Wilde

something new...

Life is like an ice cream cone. You have to lick it one day at a time.

-Charles M. Schulz

I've been working evenings for six straight days and on my final night, I'm rewarding myself by eating this:

I'm getting cross-trained to a new area and though it is still related to what I was doing before, it is unfamiliar to what I have gotten so used to. And just like everybody, I tend to resist change which makes the transition all the more confusing and frustrating. I feel like a fish out of water and most days, I feel my heart pulsating faster than its normal rhythm. It took me a year to get comfortable on my old unit and now, I'm back to the same situation of always doubting and second-guessing myself (which I hate).

I know eventually I'll get used to this new place, too and most likely even love it as much as the other place, but it's still taking me awhile to be able to just relax and breathe.

Speaking of something new, A's got new body art...

there's always room for cake =)

I love wedding cakes! And although we didn't really get to enjoy our wedding cake, I was so thrilled with the way it turned out. We provided Just Temptations with this picture:

the inspiration

and here is our wedding cake!

We found the cake topper on a random stroll at Michael's. It was so cute and different and although the bride was blonde and nowhere near my natural hair colour, we thought this was perfect for our cake.

wish tree

One of my favourite details at our wedding was the Wish Tree. We searched for a long time to find the perfect tree for people to hang their wishes on and it also took us awhile to decide and create the perfect wish cards to go with it. In the end, we decided on these three types: A regular wish card, a "Predict our Future" card and a "Give us your best advice" card.

I also enjoyed making flower pens for people to use to sign the wish cards.

Materials:

silk flower

scissors

gel pen (or any other pen you prefer)

green floral tape

regular clear tape

1. Cut about two inches of the stem.

2. With clear tape, tape your flower to the bottom edge of your pen.

3. Start winding the green floral tape beginning at the top and pressing hard to secure the tape in place.

4. Continue wrapping the pen with green floral tape at least twice before cutting the floral tape and pinching the edge where the tape ended.

It was really easy to make and we had the most fun reading the responses while on our flight to Florida. It's interesting to read what people had to write when given topics to talk about. Some interesting responses include:

lost and found

So, I'm uploading a video that was shown during the reception of our June 8 wedding. It was created in collaboration with Whereisthelaser? Productions presented as part of the wedding program. The funny thing is, we never actually saw the final edit before the big day and we didn't get to watch it the day of either because we had to take pictures for the opening of the sweet table buffet. Anyway, it was really well made and it represented just how much fun we had during the planning phase of our wedding.

Hanging out at M Studio the last couple of days reminded me of just how small the world really is and that eventually, we were bound to run into people from the past. I can't help but still feel guilty about deciding not to invite certain people even when the truth is, we haven't seen these people in years and to invite them would be more awkward than uninviting them. Anyway, I'm not about to hold grudges even when the cause of miscommunication was something that was essentially and potentially a cause of distress in the past. Can bridges that were broken ever be rebuilt or reconnected? I'm not sure. All I know is that, in the end, we have chosen to take paths thinking that we have made the best decisions possible and that even after all that, we stand by the decisions we made no matter what the consequences.

I still think about friends that I've "lost" along the way although, instead of wallowing in grief, I console myself by saying that I had made it though without them, just as their lives have gone on without me.

In hopes that I might end this post on a good note, I'm posting an old journal entry I came across about A, written on September 26 last year; tucked in the pages of my old and ratty 2007 journal:

I met him at a time in my life when I have given up all hope. Hope of finding the right one. Hope that I’ll make the right decisions when I do find the one. Hope that in spite of everything I’ve been through, I still deserve to find my happiness. Of course, at first, I wasn’t easily convinced. I had all these preconceptions of how it was all going to turn out. We’ll meet. He’ll pursue me for quite some time. I’ll circumvent and try to find a way out of it, but then, I’ll realize how lonely I’ve become and give in. I imagine myself slowly letting down my defences and finally admitting I’m ready to give it my all, all over again-- love like I’ve never been hurt.

I wanted to say to him, “If you knew what I went through, you’d understand why I hesitate.” But I didn’t need to because he, just like I, have been through it all. I guess that would always be one thing we have in common. We both have been in relationships that had left us dejected. We were broken souls trying to find meaning in the midst of our pains. We both knew what it felt to be defeated. We were the walking wounded. And as sad as it sounds, we found commonality in our hurts and pains. It was the common denominator that brought us together and made us hope for better things.

It didn’t take me long to see that I could possibly love him. He was after all, a mirrored image of myself. A broken man, as if he had been denied of the happiness he so deserved. I guess in a way, I felt he needed to be saved just as I needed someone to save me. He saw right through me, the way no one else had.

I wanted so much to believe that even after all that I’ve been through, I still deserve to be happy. I deserve to find that one love that God had intended for me to find. I’ve paid my dues. And indeed, I was continually rewarded even when I didn't think I deserved it. I was found.

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake andthen subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. "

"Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two".- Captain Corelli's Mandolin

the meantime girl revisited - jan javier

I've recently come across this article from a random blog site. I admit. Every once in a while, I google my own name to see where my internet self has been and it always amazes me how far it has travelled. I wrote this a long time ago, way back into my teens about a boy I amazingly still remember. First launched at a site called Rice Cafe, published by a friend who cared enough to get my voice heard. Of course, I still wonder whether my meantime boy ever did get a clue although none of this matters now. It almost became a book and I still have remnants of its unfinished chapters. Whether I would ever finish it is a question still lingering in the air....


THE MEANTIME GIRL
No Pressure, No Worries
by Jan Javier

She’s the one you call when you need an instant date to your next company party. She’s the first person you can think of calling when you just had a fight with “the girl”. She willingly gives you the “woman’s perspective” on anything without getting all emotional and sentimental about every single thing. You love hanging out with her because, she’s funny, she’s quirky and for the meantime, she’s not interested in relationships which makes it perfect for you (she’ll joke about your “player” reputation instead of frowning about it). You love calling her because she doesn’t get into fights with you about why you didn’t call earlier or anything trivial like the way you dress, or why you put too much gel on your hair. You never have to try hard to look nice when you come and see her. Although she is not afraid to make fun of you and tell you how stupid you look with your new highlights. You never have to open doors for her or douse yourself with perfume because you know for sure, she will make fun of you. There’s no awkward silence in your conversations and you never have to worry about making stupid jokes just to fill the silence because you know, she will make you feel silly about your corny jokes.

Your relationship with the meantime girl is based more on silliness, wise cracks, insults and occasional flirting. You know she will make fun of you when tell her details of your rendezvous with “the girl” but you tell her anyway because it’s so much fun when you can laugh at something that seemed absurd at the time without bruising your ego. Plus, the stories become really funny anecdotes you can actually retell over and over again. It works both ways because she will tell you details of her dates with her exes and you crack each other up simply because her stories make you feel less of an idiot afterwards.

She’s actually quite a challenge to be friends with if not for her very engaging sense of humor. She can come up with a million definitions for “moron” and “idiot” and she’s not afraid to use them on you. She’s brutally honest and she hits you more times than you care to count. She will suggest books for you to read but expect that she will mess up the ending of books you haven’t read or even movies or TV shows you haven’t seen. She has PMS almost constantly and will insult you at every opportunity. She eats as much as you do and actually finishes her food when you eat out. She takes advantage of the fact that you can legally drive and with all the free dating tips she gives you, you feel obliged to be her personal chauffeur.

And of course, beyond her i-don’t-need-a-man exterior, she has that peculiar, almost adorable way of making you feel that what you say or do actually matters. You have mastered the art of taking note of every single little thing because she taught you that girls get gaga over these “little” things. She will help you pick out the perfect gift for “the one”. You now know the value of compliment even if it’s the simplest thing you can possibly come up with. And she made it easier to understand why girls can never have enough bags or shoes or lip gloss. Or why girls get so irritated at certain times of the month.

Your relationship with the meantime girl is perfect simply because you never have to try too hard to make it work – no emotional melodramas, no complex relationship stuff that always make you go crazy. At the same time, she has the sensitivity of a real best friend in a way that she can read you than most of the guys you’ve ever hung out with. She can tell almost instantly when you’re feeling bad about something and offer you a quick trip to the nearest coffee place so you can talk about emotional stuff without feeling like an idiot (strangely enough, these talks don’t feel as strangulating as when you have the “real talk” with the “real” girl). She is always available when you need to talk or to hang out with anyone else who can talk about anything other than basketball. And it’s almost amazing that you’ve never actually pictured her to take the place of “the girl” even when you can almost swear you two have had your “moments”. Of which, you can remember her giving you the don’t-you-dare-fall-in-love-with-me look that she seemed to have perfected over the years.

Admit it. Being with the meantime girl makes you think of being with “the one”; especially, because there’s something about her that you can’t seem to get enough of. The truth is, she is more attractive and smarter than most of the girls you’ve ever gone out with. You have been a witness of how she grew into this beautiful woman anyone would be crazy not to spend forever with. You’ve had moments when you try to convince yourself to think of her as the girl friend, the alternative to your guy friends, and not as a “real” woman who can take the place of “the girl”. And though in moments of heightened loneliness, you sometimes think of the possibility of something happening between you and the meantime girl but you are too scared to tell her how you feel. What you feel for her is something so difficult to define that it wouldn’t be fair to consider possibilities of anything romantic happening between the two of you. Plus, the fact that you know more about her personal life, i.e. her past dating experiences than any other guy, makes you feel that going beyond friendship would mean betraying her trust.

So instead, meantime boy, you prefer to keep quiet and enjoy the company of the meantime girl. It’s comforting because it’s safe. There are no expectations to take things to the next level. No pressure. No real worries. Plus, being with her has tested all your capabilities to be with “the one”. And when that time comes, you know that all the conflicting emotions you have for the meantime girl would dissolve. Though in the back of your mind, you hope that this “meantime-ness” would remain and that your meantime girl wouldn’t rush to be someone else’s forever. You’d hope she’ll be by your side to pick you up in case you fall down again. Really, there is no reason to doubt the value of her existence. You have reason to hope for the best in your future relationships. After all, you’ve had years and years of practice.

If you've gone this far, Please Read.

lost memories

I've recently lost all the contents of my ever-so-trusty laptop that suddenly decided it was time to dissipate and die. I bought it in August 2007 which meant that every single file, every single picture and maybe more of other things I have uploaded from the past, all gone.

You'd say, I should have known better, after all, technology is not always infinite and 100% reliable. The sad part is, just a couple of days ago before its demise, we had bought an external hard drive to help it carry its load and yet, the tragedy happened before we could even think about transferring its contents.

I guess worse things could have happened. Worse tragedies I can't even imagine being at and yet I can't help but feel sad. I know we will always be making new memories, that there will always be new things I can get excited about, new projects and ventures. But I feel like the memories that are lost are just as irreplaceable and irrecoverable as the demise of my hard drive.

Anyone who has pictures of us since August of 2007, your donations to our lost memories are more than welcome.

e-pics

haven't posted anything in a while so here are some of my favorite engagement pictures =) notice that none of them were up close because we had to send my ring for cleaning that week and we didn't get it back in time for this shoot. anyway, it worked out okay =)

shoes!

I added rhinestones to my wedding shoes.
Isn't it beautiful??

sweet love

I have acquired two new fonts and I can't wait to start using them for future projects!

It's not free but I don't care!

I am in love!

wedding stuff and then some =)

truth be told...

digital slrs = addicting!

hence the pictures. I've abandoned this blog for what seemed like forever, but i have a newly acquired hobby and I did intend to eventually blog about the craziness leading to our BIG day. It's amazing how many things I learned throughout the whole process and how much we enjoyed the planning phase of the door to the rest of our lives. Some people would throw their hands in the air and say they wouldn't want to go through this again, but I beg to differ. Which then brought me thinking if I can actually do this for other people. It's been fun and I almost don't want it to end.

Without further ado.....




our invitations =) handmade by A and yours truly



yey for wedding bands! =)


more ring shots and our ring pillow


wedding bubbles and personalized wedding coloring books for our mini guests =)


We had so much fun making each one and there's still room for so much more....

i am finally breathing...

We booked a place!
here's a picture...but minus the ugly chair covers =)
haven't really done much since then...but at least we have a wedding date =)

...and it's just another day...

11/10/2007 -

Believe it or not, but I actually like my job. Some people, after 12 hours of screaming moms and babies, will probably go nuts and give up the first day. And I don't blame them because I feel the same way after 4 consecutive 12-hour night shifts. Like the ones I'm supposed to do this weekend.

It's funny. It's almost as if there's a trend. This week, I've had at least two moms who are 17 years old or younger. One of them, delivered at home in her toilet. Talk about being in denial. This tiny girl who is probably less than 100 lbs. before being pregnant, claimed she had no idea she was even pregnant. And I take this with my eyebrows raised because at that body type and weight, there is no way you could not tell you're not pregnant. A pregnancy changes you in ways I could probably never fully explain because I've never been there myself but it does. It's a major thing. And to look at it like it was a disease that will just pass and go away if you don't think about it, is just not the way to welcome someone into the world.

I just think back to the time I was 17 and though I can't imagine myself getting pregnant at that age, even then I was a very mature 17 year old. But that's me. I cannot speak for anyone else, especially the ones who are in this situation. I try so hard not to stereotype this young moms because I hope for the best for their future, for their babies. But I worry about my young moms the same way I worry about their babies. I see this mom not even wanting to hold and feed her own kid and I can't walk out of the room and say, "Oh well, it's just another day at work". But that's why I'm this profession. Because I can be jaded and say I don't really care, but I do.

I worry about them going home and not knowing what to do with a baby. I worry about them not having any support or even a place to go. I worry about their babies not getting the attention they so need and deserve. But even I can only do so much. With all these pre-wedding things coming at me, plus all these work stuff, it's no wonder I'm so stressed. But I guess the good thing is I recognize it even at this early stage. There's still so much to learn.

where is the silver lining?

can't sleep. probably has something to do with the fact that i had coffee at 10 pm. or just that i've been so stressed i haven't had real sleep in days. but then again, that should be reason enough for me to want to sleep so maybe it's just the coffee. eitherway, my caffeine-induced rambling will probably not make any sense but here it goes.

i haven't written anything in months. i used to religiously write details of important things in my life and recently i haven't had any time for anything. but i keep thinking about wanting to write, or just to get the chance to sit down and think about things happening in my life. there is value in being able to stop and think.. and knowing when to do just that.

i'm getting married. or at least trying to. i'm overwhelmed with happiness and excitement just thinking about the new life i'm about to embark with my fiance, my soon-to-be husband. and for some absurd reason, the ones whose opinion i value the most don't seem to be quite as enthused. i guess i understand their hesitation to share my joy. being the youngest, me leaving home is probably the last thing on their mind. but still. i've finally come to the time in my life, when i feel old enough, mature enough and ready to step onto that next level. don't i deserve a little enthusiasm? a little support?

i'm not even asking them to help me financially. i wonder if i did just like my older siblings have done. all i'm asking for is a little affirmation that somehow they support my decision. but maybe even that is asking too much.

my bestfriend is the wisest person i know. she said to me, that no matter how old i am, or how stable in life i seem, parents will always be parents. in their eyes, i will always be their youngest daughter and the fact that i'm "leaving" them will always be hard to accept. she said i need to understand how they feel and without even thinking twice, i know she's right. i hate it when she's right because in the back of my mind, it's not what i want to hear.

i know somewhere there is a silver lining. i just need to step back and find it.

more rings and things...

the bear in briefs! hahaha =)

rings


a closer look =)

S is for...

well, you know!

i guess it's just natural to go back to your old love.

with jessica or not, i still love JM. =)

"hold on to whatever you find, baby
hold to whatever will get you through
hold on to whatever you find, baby
i don't trust myself with loving you" -- JM

m is for...

m is for MINERVA!

our new website will be launched this summer

stay tuned!

visit: www.minervarecords.ca

rings!

little things

it's funny what you can come up with when you have lots of free time =)

and yet again! the owls and watermelon are my favorite!

just one more shot =)